Dying to Tell You

In our last reflection of the season, Cody looks back on his conversation with Clara as well as the entire congregation of guests we were honored to talk with over the past year. Clara's statement that cancer takes and takes and takes but it also gives inspired this meditation on flexibility, multiple truths, and staying open to whatever comes our way. 
Thank you for listening to the stories of our guests this season. We are moved by this privilege to share these inspiring voices and we can't wait to share more next season. Until then, do what needs to be done, say what needs to be said, and live your life with intention and purpose. 
This is Dying to Tell You. 

At age 31, Clara sits down with Cody to discuss a year that changed everything. What started as hip pain from running turned into a devastating diagnosis: Stage 4 Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer with metastases to her bones, liver, brain, and pelvis.
Clara shares her journey through aggressive chemotherapy that nearly killed her, the difficult decision to stop treatment, and facing the loss of her ability to have biological children. She talks honestly about moving from independence to needing help, learning to voice her needs, and the challenge of setting boundaries when you're sick.
Far from giving up, Clara has found new purpose in advocacy work and is looking forward to skydiving, traveling, and being there for the people she loves. 
 

Amanda returns to the podcast with a callback update after her 20-month scan revealed a tiny recurrence. Her second craniotomy was scheduled for 2/3/2026...yesterday.
Cody and Amanda discuss her declining a pre-surgery clinical trial, weighing expensive treatment options abroad, and the emotional and financial challenges of deciding next steps, while leaning on the Glioblastoma (GBM) community for support.

This week's reflection from Cody explores Emily Pearl Kingsley’s parable “Welcome to Holland” alongside Rachel’s real-life story: a young woman whose plans for a big-city life and long career are interrupted by cancer. It traces her grief, adjustment, and the ways she reframes her life.
Through Rachel’s experience, this week's episode reflects on choosing how to live when plans change—acknowledging loss, discovering unexpected joys, and finding meaning in a life that turned out different than you might have imagined.

“I kept expecting to die. But I haven’t died yet...there’s still time left and it's navigating how and what space do you live in every day.”
At 26, Rachel was living her dream life in Chicago. She’d moved from her small town Texas roots and was young, independent, and thriving in the city.
But mysterious symptoms that began in college refused to go away. After being dismissed by doctor after doctor—told it was anxiety, IBS, or nothing at all—Rachel found herself in crisis. Unable to work, she packed a suitcase and flew home to Texas, putting her Chicago life on pause.
What followed was a whirlwind of appointments that led to an unexpected discovery: stage 4 metastatic neuroendocrine cancer, a rare “old person’s cancer” that had already spread throughout her body. The diagnosis was devastating but also, strangely, a relief—finally someone believed her.
Now 28, Rachel has moved back to Texas permanently for her family’s support, undergone major surgery, and is navigating what it means to live with a slow-growing but incurable cancer that gives her a prognosis of 15 to 20 years.
In this episode, Rachael and Cody explore what it means to have a terminal diagnosis that still puts a lot of life ahead of you, how to live a full life with a chronic and fatal condition, even how to navigate dating and finding love (Rachael’s story of how her girlfriend showed up for her on their third date is so…dang…sweet).
Rachael also shares practical advice for supporting cancer patients without making them comfort you, discusses her complicated relationship with the evangelical Christianity of her youth, and explains why the zebra is the symbol for this rare disease.
It’s all a lovely reminder that you don’t need to be dying to live intentionally, that advocating for yourself matters even when no one believes you, and that there’s always a lot more life to live.

Amanda's mantra as she was entering brain surgery really stuck with Cody after last week's interview: "Stay awake. Stay alert. This is my life." 
In this week's episode, Cody reflects on presence versus resignation, invoking Eckhart Tolle’s teaching and examining how often we try to merely get through life instead of fully living it. Amanda’s courage and focus become a model for noticing the present moment.
An update on Amanda closes out this reflection. She's had another scan and this time her scanxiety proved correct. There were signs of progression and she is now facing the potential of another craniotomy. We'll give more updates as we have them, and hopefully talk with Amanda again about where she is now in her journey. 

“I kept saying...what is the best possible outcome right now?”
Amanda is a 43-year-old ultra endurance athlete who began experiencing strange symptoms in 2024: pressure headaches, déjà vu, vision problems, and eventually bizarre behaviors like eating off an upside-down plate and walking out of her shoe without noticing. After an urgent care doctor dismissed her symptoms as TMJ (lockjaw?!), her leg buckled in her own bedroom, sending her to the emergency room where an MRI revealed the truth: glioblastoma, one of the most aggressive forms of brain cancer.
Amanda's journey from diagnosis through an eight-hour awake craniotomy to her current life 16 months post-diagnosis is marked by perseverance and not anger or fear…but love.
Drawing on her experience as an ultra endurance athlete—particularly a brutal 36-hour race in Stratton, Vermont, where she trained in relentless rain and mud—Amanda applies the same mindset that got her through the worst physical challenges of her life to this new reality. Today, she jokes in her hardest hours that “
In this episode, Amanda and Cody discuss the immediate acceptance she felt upon diagnosis, the "scanxiety" she experiences every 10 weeks, the heartbreak of losing friends with glioblastoma , and why she chose not to see her cancer as an enemy.
Amanda has made it past the 16-month median survival time for glioblastoma and is currently training for the same endurance event she was preparing for when diagnosed, hoping to raise $5,000 for brain cancer research through Stash Strong. (You can help support Amanda at that link!)
Amanda's athletic background provides a unique lens for understanding resilience, and her honest discussion of both the joyful and devastating aspects of her journey offers a masterclass in living fully while facing an uncertain future.

In this week's reflection on his interview with Shutes—which, of course, you should go listen to—Cody discusses the recurring theme of loneliness among people living with chronic illness or experiencing grief. Or really, anyone.
As some of you might know, this year Cody left his job and, more importantly, co-workers he cares deeply for. And so the theme of loneliness applies not just to those with illness, not just those grieving or trying to navigate relationships that can change in the face of mortality, but all of us. Especially at this time of year, when the emphasis on gathering together can many times make us feel even further apart.
Please give yourself a few minutes out of your busy holiday schedule to join Cody in a reflection on loneliness and its answer—connection. 
And regarding his offer to be there for you if you need it, you can email Cody at dttypod@gmail.com. Peace and love in these days of remembrance and celebration.

“I’m part gargoyle is what I tell people. Because I’m turning to stone. I literally am.”
Shutes was living the dream—college basketball national champion, Player of the Year, in the best shape of her life—when strange symptoms started appearing. Numbness in her hands. A sore that wouldn’t heal. She was initially misdiagnosed with lupus before a doctor recognized the signs and finally told her the truth: she has scleroderma, a rare and incurable autoimmune disease.
Scleroderma causes the body to produce too much collagen, creating a kind of fibrosis that hardens the body from the inside out. As Shutes says with what you’ll learn is her incredible sense of humor—“I’m part gargoyle!” But of course, beneath that humor is the difficult reality of watching your hands curl into permanent contractures, your jaw dissolve, your lungs stiffen to 56% capacity, and food getting stuck in an esophagus that can no longer move it along.
In this deeply honest conversation with Cody, Shutes explains the daily and long-term realities of living with this rare and rarely discussed disease, as well as the isolation that persists even when you have community, the relationships that end because people can’t handle your new reality, the exhaustion of coordinating every basic need, and the choice between living safely or living fully.
She also opens up about navigating eating disorder recovery while her disease makes swallowing nearly impossible and feeding tubes loom on the horizon. She talks about losing the athlete’s body she once had, the grief of not being able to play basketball with her son, and the intentional choice she makes every day to go hard, crash, and get back up again. Because for her, it’s the living that’s most important. Consequences be damned...or at least accepted.
Follow Shutes on social media @SheShutes
This episode is dedicated to Javeeda, who put us in touch with Shutes. Javeeda was a beloved guest of Season 2 and a dear friend of the podcast. She died
This episode is dedicated to Javeeda, a beloved guest of Season 2 and dear friend of the podcast who connected Shutes with us. Javeeda died last week after living with her own rare cancer for many years. 

Cody gives us one more update on Joe's progress and shares his thoughts on what it means to facing turning points in our lives, the nature of life's uncertainty—particularly in the context of palliative care—and the difficulty of preparing for the unknown. Cody reflects on the need to have faith in one's ability to navigate through uncertain times, celebrating the small certainties in life while accepting that uncertainty is an inherent and unavoidable part of existence. 
If you haven't listened to Joe's episode or his callback, you can find them on our website:
https://dttypodcast.com/episodes/s3e10-joe