Dying to Tell You

"My main point here is how important it is for you to continue to be your own health advocate."
 
In this callback episode we check back in with Joe, whose interview aired a few weeks ago but was actually recorded nearly a year ago in December of 2024. Joe has had new developments with his cancer and is now facing the incredibly difficult choice of undergoing life-altering surgery...or not. There is the hope of getting into clinical trials but, as is always the case with disease and treatments, nothing is certain. 
 
Join Cody and Joe as they discuss the emotional and practical challenges of managing recurring cancer and the importance of self-advocacy in healthcare.
 
This week, we are also releasing Cody's reflection simultaneously with this callback episode and we encourage you to listen, not just for its own updates after we recorded this interview, but also for Cody's thoughts on how we all face our own turning points in life. 

“The people we have on the podcast, they’re just so special.”
Cody and Chris (that’s us!) sit down to toast three amazing years of Dying to Tell You for their annual Thanksgiving gratitudes. As always, we are deeply grateful to the guests who have shared their time and their experiences with us and, through us, with so many others out in the world. Their words, their insights, their emotions—all of it is a gift to anyone listening. And that includes us.
But that’s not all we’re grateful for. Sit with us for a minute if you want to hear more.
And one last gratitude we’d like to share is our appreciate for the partnership we have with the Iliff School of Theology. They’ve sponsored us this fall and we hope to continue that perfect partnership in the new year.

Joe was just 29 years old when a colonoscopy revealed stage four colorectal cancer—a diagnosis he'd put off for months despite troubling symptoms. What followed was years of surgeries, chemotherapy, an ileostomy, and the constant roller coaster of scans and treatment.
When Cody sat down with Joe nearly a year ago, he was doing well and treatment-free, but knowing that every three months a bad scan result could throw him right back into treatment.
Joe shares what it's like to feel physically healthy while mentally wrestling with uncertainty every three months. He talks about hard-won wisdom about being your own healthcare advocate, the challenge of balancing quality versus quantity of life, and finding meaning in the face of mortality. 
[Be sure to subscribe or check back in, as we followed up with Joe recently and will share that part of his story in our next full episode]

"What am I holding onto so tightly that I would never change?" 
Our guest last week (and the week before!), Becca, once declared she'd never undergo treatment again—until her cancer returned and she found herself asking how they'd treat it. We often know exactly what we're going to do in difficult situations...until we don't.
This week, Cody reflects on psychological flexibility and the profound courage it takes to change your mind. Why we hold so tightly to old stances, the hubris of declaring what we'd do in someone else's situation, and the strength required to grow and evolve. Join Cody for this brief but powerful exploration of identity, humility, and the grace of changing course.
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For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

"I wanted quality of life over quantity of life. If I have six months, then I will live the hell out of those six months. If I have 30 years, that would be fabulous."
After 18 months of cancer treatment that left her in constant pain, Becca made a choice that surprised even her doctors: she stopped treatment, even though it was working. Her scans show no evidence of active disease, yet she's chosen to prioritize quality of life over potentially extending her time. In this honest follow-up to her first episode—a Dying To Tell You Call Back!—Becca shares how she navigated this complex decision with her husband and adult children, what liberation feels like, and why a normal Monday making strawberry shortcake means more than any grand bucket list. She offers powerful insights on patient autonomy, the cost of staying alive, and finding peace outside the narrow confines of her evangelical upbringing. 

“Please—all of you people out there—don’t wait until you’re dying to see the beauty in life.”
Becca was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer at 34, went into remission, and eleven years later—when she thought she was in the clear—her cancer returned as stage four metastatic disease. What followed was a journey through brutal treatment side effects, painful decisions about quality versus quantity of life, and a profound reckoning with faith, value, and what it means to live authentically while dying.
In this week’s episode, Becca shares her experience leaving evangelical Christianity after her first diagnosis, wrestling with what makes a life worth living when you’re sleeping 14-15 hours a day, and the reality that even within cancer communities, certain truths feel taboo to speak.
She talks about the irony of saying “I’ll never treat again” and then, when faced with recurrence, immediately asking “How do we treat this?”
Becca’s story is filled with hard-won wisdom about flexibility, authenticity, and the surprising peace that can come from facing uncertainty without the answers she once relied on.
Tune in to hear Cody and Becca explore:
The gap between what we say we’ll do and what we actually do when facing terminal illness
Leaving evangelical Christianity and finding peace in uncertainty as an atheist facing death
Quality versus quantity of life: setting boundaries and taking treatment “vacations”
Redefining personal value from “a human doing” to “a human being”
The loneliness of dying and what’s taboo even in cancer communities
How “life isn’t fair” can cut both ways
Parenting through terminal illness and the legacy we leave in our children’s minds
Patient autonomy: “This is our life. We get to call the shots.”
Note: This episode includes a content warning regarding discussion of suicidal ideation and self-harm during Becca's first cancer diagnosis.

🚗💨 The Power of Pumping the Brakes...
In this episode, Cody reflects on last week's conversation with Lonnie about the importance of finding meaning and purpose in life, especially when previous sources of meaning are no longer available. Cody delves into the concept of the therapeutic pause and pumping the brakes—taking time to process and make thoughtful decisions in high-stress situations.
Drawing from his own experiences in the hospital, Cody discusses how slowing down can help patients and their families cope better with life-changing diagnoses, and how this principle can be applied to our everyday lives. Take a moment to gather yourself and find the peaceful space between stimulus and response.
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For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

"I didn't want to survive. I wanted to live. I knew that I wanted to live."
In this episode of Dying to Tell You, Cody sits down with Lonnie, who is living with stage 4 metastatic prostate cancer. Lonnie shares his story from the onset of symptoms to his diagnosis and how he has become an advocate for those living with cancer via social media. He speaks candidly about the emotional rollercoaster, the importance of mental health support, and choosing quality of life over quantity. Lonnie emphasizes the value of support systems and the power of sharing one's story. 
Join us to hear Lonnie's heartfelt journey and his inspiring approach to life, even in the face of a terminal diagnosis.
Some of the incredibly important aspects Lonnie touches on include:
Finding Support After a Cancer Diagnosis
Navigating the Diagnosis Rollercoaster
Choosing Quality Over Quantity: Treatment Decisions
The Importance of Mental Health in Cancer Treatment
Finding Purpose Through Advocacy
Taking a Treatment Vacations!
Reflecting on Quality of Life vs. Quantity of Life
Daily Struggles and Mental Resets
Coping with Fear
And so much more
You can find Lonnie on social media @lonnievh
For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective (https://www.iliffdeathcare.com/).

"Don't Just Do Something...Sit There."
 
In this reflection on his conversation with Sarah last week, Cody delves into the challenging emotion of helplessness, exploring its profound impact on individuals dealing with serious illness and those around them.
 
How do we handle helplessness? We sit with it, we express it, we witness it. We face it and acknowledge it together, and that's the power of not trying to fix it, but accepting it.
 
This episode also features a heartfelt message from our By The Way voicemail. If you feel the need to call someone who's no longer with us, leave them a message at 720-600-7056.
 
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This episode is sponsored by Iliff School of Theology, who invite you to explore "Strengthening Embodied Practice for Caregiving," a new course for caregivers to help you calm and balance your nervous system and reconnect with yourself amid the stress and challenges of your work. 
Oct 19 – Nov 16
Each week, 90 minutes of guided somatic practices, conversation, and practical tools
 
To learn more or enroll now, visit iliffdeathcare.com

“I would love it if the afterlife looked like the eighties.” —Sarah
In this episode of 'Dying to Tell You,' Cody chats with Sarah Parton, who shares her incredible journey living with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis).
Sarah talks about her initial shock at the diagnosis, the ups and downs she faces daily, and how she keeps her sense of humor and optimism alive. She opens up about the importance of the ALS community, her coping strategies, and why she decided against invasive treatments. Sarah also gives us a peek into her fun plans for the afterlife, her love for the '80s, and why she’s determined to enjoy every moment.
Join Cody and Sarah for a conversation that's full of laughter, heartfelt moments, and inspiration.
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Sarah wants to give a shoutout to two organizations that are amazing resources for anyone facing ALS:
Live Like Lou — Supporting families affected by ALS, funding ALS research to find treatments or a cure for Lou Gehrig’s disease, and honoring Lou Gehrig’s legacy.
Team Gleason — Empowering people with ALS to live purposeful lives.
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For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.